100% had a parenting fail this past weekend... But I redeemed myself.
Let me set the scene for you...
Kane and I make a trip to Des Moines quick Saturday to get a few things done. Obviously, the #1 priority was Mom getting a mani/pedi, then we had a few stops to get ready for Homecoming week. So, we pull in the parking lot, I'm getting out, and... BANG. "Uh Kane, what was that?" I say as I walk around the back on my car. "I-I-I didn't mean to Mom!" he stutters as my mouth literally drops. "Kane," is all I could say because my face must have said it all. "Mom, I didn't mean to. You say all the time accidents happen. It was an accident! I promise. I'm sorry!" He cried.
Now if you know me, you know darn well I was boiling on the inside. It was actually impressed that I kept my cool. I actually wanted to cry as I stared at this 1 inch scratch and dent on the side of this car next to him.
"It's fine buddy, they do happen," and then I proceeded to walk into the store.
YUP... 100% walked away from all that.
Physically.
Mentally, I literally could not focus on what we even came to the store for in the first place.
"Why does this stuff always happen to me?"
"I've been busting my butt, we are finally ahead and built up a nice cushion."
"I legit got dropped from my car insurance in March after 3 deer hits. I can't get dropped from my new company."
Pretty selfish thoughts huh? My 6-year-old is watching me aimlessly look through a rack of clothes. I look down at him and immediately the flip switches.
"How would I feel if I walked out to my car having a dent like that?"
"I don't know this person's financial situation, and my son just accidentally did some damage to their car."
"It is not their fault."
"What did I just teach my child?!"
**Proceeds to google 'Can you get charged for a hit and run if you door ding someone in a parking lot and do not leave your information'**
"Alright buddy, let's get going," I say as I push the cart to check out.
"But Moooom, you said I could get a toy if I was good during your nail appointment!" Kane said with his best sad face.
What I wanted to snap back and say was, "Well I have a dented car to pay for so no toys for you." But what gently came out of my mouth was, "I know buddy, maybe at the next store. But we have to get back out to that car first."
We proceeded to check out as quickly as possible. The entire time I prayed this car was still out there so I could do what is right. And as we stepped through the automatic doors, there it was. That car was still next to us (and no cops around to arrest me.) I really didn't have a plan of what I was going to do if that car was still there. It was a mall parking lot, we'd been in the store for at least 30 minutes, this person could be anywhere. Right now, I know you guys are all saying, "Make a note dummy." But in the heat of this moment, I was so frantic and obviously not thinking straight. I got it together, dug in my car, found some scratch paper and a marker, wrote a note with my phone number, and stuck it under their windshield wiper.
As I jumped back in the car and began to pull away, a little voice in the backseat said, "Mom what did you do?"
"Well buddy, Mommy messed up. We had an accident, and we just walked away. That wasn't the right thing to do. I should have to pay to fix their car so I left them a note with my phone number so they can call me."
"Oh so they will send you their bill?"
"Yes something like that."
"Well that's nice. You can take money out of my bank account to pay for it. I really didn't mean to do it."
"No buddy, it's ok. Mommy has it covered. We will just wait for their phone call first."
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This lesson is more than just a dented car.
It is so easy to walk away from our problems in life. Whether it's a small dent in a car or something so much bigger. A lot of the time we choose to put blinders on, pretending like 'that' didn't happen, 'this' isn't happening, 'I don't have a problem'. It was so easy for me to grab my sons hand and walk away from that dented car. It's even easier to say, "I'm fine," and never work through the 'problem' that you have. If we can't face our wrong doings, the consequences of our actions, our demons inside of us... They don't just miraculously disappear. They just grow into bigger problems, bigger issues, and worse actions.
One of things I strive to do as a parent is teach my kids that it is ok to mess up. Accidents happen, like my son said. And sometimes, "stuff" shouldn't happen, but it does. What I teach them is to be able to say, "I'm sorry, I messed up. I need help." And then we face the consequences. Because that is where growth, courage, maturity and strength occur. He had no problem saying, "Sorry Mom, it was an accident. I didn't mean to do it." And he was willing to use his own money to help pay for the damages. Now that's BIG of a 6-year-old.
Some of the bravest people I know are the ones that faced their demons head on, admit their faults, and grew from the lessons learned.
Are you growing? Or are you putting your blinders back on and doing fine?
There's a quote I like that I found on Pinterest, "Sometimes you just have to shut up, swallow your pride, and accept you are wrong. It's not giving up; it's called growing up."
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The fail- Walking away from my problem.
The redemption- Going back and showing my son the right thing to do in this situation.
There's no blinders in my household... Just the ability to admit our wrong doin's.